Oh, SG1, What Have You Gotten Yourselves Into Now?
by welfybomb
Summary: SG1 travels to Abydos where they run into yet another fun and exciting mystery that must be solved. Unfortunately, this time, it claims their sanity.


"All right, kids. Let's move out."

Jack, enthusiastic as ever, led the way through the glowing vortex of bubbling energy.

"Let's move out," agreed Daniel amicably, making a chivalrous after-you gesture.

Sam smiled in amusement and followed after Jack, being swallowed by the swirly twirly blue glowy energy vortex. Daniel smiled at his remaining teammate, Teal'c. Teal'c stared at Daniel without a trace of emotion and without any indication that he had any intention of moving.

"Okay," said Daniel, smile fading slightly. He followed after Sam.

Teal'c took up the rear protectively and forbiddingly.

SPLUSH! Times four. Out spilled our four heroes from the swirling vortex thing in the circle on a familiar desert planet.

"Someone tell me again...why did we come back to Abydos?" asked Jack, surveying the scene with boredom.

"It's regulation to inspect each previously explored planet that was declared safe and allied by the anniversary of its first dialing," explained Sam.

Jack stared blankly.

"It's just a yearly checkup visit," translated Daniel.

Jack rolled his eyes.

Teal'c put on his shades and looked very cool.

"Why?" asked Jack.

"Let's just head out," suggested Daniel leading the way.

Sam raised an eyebrow to no one in particular and followed. Jack and Teal'c hit their guns together like a high five for no reason whatsoever and headed off after the other two.

The sun glowed heavily overhead cooking the heroes like eggs. Like heavily armed eggs. In brown sugar. See, because the sand looks kind of like brown sugar and since we're doing a cooking simile, it seemed appropriate. Anyway, the point is, it was hot.

Our poor heroes were sweating. Daniel took out some sunscreen and smeared a nice nerdy white streak on his nose. Sam wiped her forehead femininely, but not too femininely, with the back of her hand. Jack drank some water with the air of a man who would rather be shooting something. And Teal'c still looked cool, even though he had gigantic sweat stains under his arms. They belied his cool demeanor. Teal'c hated them with all his being. He glared up at the sun as if it had personally insulted him by killing his father.

To take his mind off the heat and long walk, Daniel decided to share special insights with the rest of the group.

"Did you know the people of Abydos base their entire economy and much of their lifestyle off a yak?"

No one answered. Daniel glanced around at his sweating and quickly sun-burning friends. He figured the reason no one had answered was because they were dying to know more. He continued.

"Actually, it's not really a yak. At least, it's not the same species as the animal known on Earth as the yak, or bos grunniens. But it is a yak-like animal."

The others were so impressed with Daniel's abundant knowledge of yaks and the economy of Abydos that they waited in silent anticipation for him to continue. In fact, as Daniel squinted in the sun, he saw that Sam was staring ahead with wide eyes, as if she couldn't wait to hear what Daniel had to say next. Teal'c's brow was furled, as if he were concentrating hard on Daniel's amazing facts. And Jack looked as if he had just swallowed several glasses of lemon juice.

He's upset I haven't told him more about the yaks, thought Daniel. Quickly he collected his thoughts and continued.

"The yak fur, for instance, is used not only in clothing, which is both worn and sold between communities, but is also used in medicines, such as laxatives..."

"Thank you, Daniel!" Jack interrupted loudly.

"Oh, I wasn't finished," said Daniel, confused.

Jack fixed him with a piercing look and said definitively, "Yes. You are."

Daniel paused, making a feeble attempt to stare down Jack. He failed.

"Okay," said Daniel.

"Good," said Jack, and went back to trudging through the sand. Jack was really good at trudging. He was proud of that skill.

Daniel glanced back and forth between his companions. He opened his mouth...then closed it again. You could almost hear the gears whirring as his brain sorted through its random thoughts. He opened his mouth again, but caught Jack's warning eye, and closed it again.

Jack squinted into the distance trying to spot an army of Goa'uld warriors. Or maybe just a few. Or even a scout. Or perhaps a cactus. Anything to break up the monotony. Something to focus his eyes on. He tried staring at Teal'c for awhile, but it was like staring at a wall.

"Yak milk is very nutritious..."

"Daniel!" yelled Jack.

"Sorry," said Daniel. He didn't sound sorry.

Jack sighed and patted his trusty gun. His most reliable companion. One that never spoke or even moved without his command.

The sun reflected off the sand like a thousand tiny crystals glittering happily. Jack kicked at the crystals with his feet as he walked enjoying how they showered back down, but quickly becoming bored and uncomfortable as the sand entered his boots.

"Ug," he said. "Shouldn't we be there by now? Maybe there's something wrong," he added hopefully, glancing at Sam for confirmation.

"The Gate is approximately twelve kilometers from the Abydonian village. It is unlikely we have traveled that far," said Teal'c.

"By my approximation, we've only walked about five kilometers," added Sam.

"Ug," repeated Jack. "Why, for the love of god, didn't the Abydonians move the Gate closer to the village? I mean, they went to all that trouble to haul it out of the pyramid, and then destroying the pyramid, and then they couldn't be bothered to carry it twelve kilometers to their village? Come on!"

"Twelve kilometers isn't that far, is it Jack?" said Daniel with a smug smile.

"Shut up," snapped Jack.

"A Gate weighs about 32 tons," chimed in Sam. "Moving the Gate would be like moving 20 cars."

"Oh," said Jack.

"Broken down cars," added Sam.

"All right," grumbled Jack.

"All at once," continued Sam.

"Okay then," growled Jack.

"Twelve kilometers," continued Sam.

"Fine!" cried Jack.

A pause.

"Through a desert," added Sam.

"Carter! I get it!" shouted Jack.

Another pause.

"In 110 degree heat," Sam finished.

"Ahhhh! Shut up!" yelled Jack. "Don't you ever know when to stop?!"

Another pause turned into silence and a lull in the conversation, leaving Jack nothing to concentrate on but the discomfort of the journey. He felt the sweat dripping down his forehead and back. The heat crisping his arms and torso was nearly unbearable. But it was nothing to the melting happening in his brain. Jack knew his brain worked admirably in certain situations. When tactics, quick planning, decisions, and action were required, no one could top him. But when it came to keeping himself entertained on a long trek through a monotonous landscape with no enemies, no missions, and nothing dotting the horizon, he did not fare well. In fact, he was bad at it. And he was fine admitting it. Jack knew his strengths and he knew his weaknesses. What he didn't know was why he had been sent on this mission.

"Carter, why were we sent on this mission?" asked Jack.

"Sir, we went through all of this in the briefing. Don't you remember?" asked Sam with more than a hint of exasperation. It was about 110 degrees Fahrenheit after all.

"As a matter of fact, I do, Carter. I'm just...testing you." Upon receiving a disbelieving look from Sam, he added, "It's what a good commander does."

Sam acquiesced. "Sorry, sir. We were sent on this mission because you and Daniel were the first ones to make contact with the Abydonians. Daniel then developed a strong relationship with them. He has become sort of an ambassador. Apart from that, the new exploration dialing protocol is on hold due to a trojan horse virus."

Sam paused, searching for a glimmer of comprehension in Jack's face. She searched in vain.

"I think what Sam is saying is that there's no new planets to explore right now because they're working a bug out of the system," said Daniel diplomatically.

"Ah," responded Jack loquaciously. He turned to Carter. "Why didn't you just say so?"

Carter sighed and restrained herself from making an obscene hand gesture. It took a lot of effort.

Then she continued, "So, if we hadn't come on this mission, we would have just been stuck on base."

This, Jack seemed to understand. Carter was relieved. In her head, she went back to calculating the exact distance between Earth and Abydos. It kept her very entertained, and her face glazed over with contentment. She nearly forgot about the piercing heat. When she was finished, she began calculating the length of an Abydonian day.

She was so absorbed in the task that it took her a moment to notice that Jack had stopped and was leveling a gun. Teal'c stood behind him looking confused, but glaring curiously off in the direction Jack was looking – straight ahead toward the horizon. He reached for his staff weapon. Sam followed their gaze, but couldn't see anything in the direction they were looking.

"Sir, what..." began Sam, but before she could get another word out, Jack unloaded fifty shots at the unknown distant enemy.

Teal'c followed it up with a nice staff blast. He nodded in a satisfied manner.

"Sir," began Sam again, but stopped with Jack gave her the military be-quiet gesture, followed by the follow-me gesture, and ran off towards the unknown threat ahead, closely followed by Teal'c.

Sam immediately became alert, switched into military stealth mode, and sprinted after Jack. Daniel followed, intrigued by Jack's amazing ability to detect an enemy at such a great distance. He wondered if Jack's aim had allowed him to kill from that distance too.

Sam kept her eyes strained looking for the danger Jack had seen, but though she thought her vision was excellent, it was some time before she saw the tall figure, still standing on the horizon line.

Still standing, thought Sam with a thrill of adrenaline.

Automatically, she reached for her gun. Even as she did, she felt something wasn't right. The figure, though standing, was not moving much. In fact, it wasn't moving at all. As they got closer, it became apparent why.

"Nice shot, Jack" said Daniel.

In front of them stood a smoking cactus. It had about fifty holes in it.

"Thanks," said Jack. "What about Teal'c's shot there?"

Teal'c bowed his head modestly.

"Why exactly were we attacking a cactus?" asked Sam.

"Uh..." began Jack, "just keeping you on your toes." Sam noticed he didn't quite meet her eye when he said it.

Okay, Jack had mistaken a cactus for a Goa'uld warrior. Big deal. Jack made mistakes sometimes. Just like everyone else. He wouldn't apologize for that. No siree.

Sam tried to restrain herself from rolling her eyes. She succeeded, but only barely.

Teal'c surveyed the cactus more closely. He thought it had been a very good exercise indeed. Jack was a good commander. Teal'c was honored to serve under such a wise and brave warrior.

"Let's move on, shall we sir?" prompted Sam.

"Yeah," agreed Jack a little too readily. "Move out," he said pointing with his gun.

The team moved forward once again.

"Are we there yet?" asked Jack five seconds later.

"Two more kilometers, sir," replied Sam.

Teal'c drowned out the noise of his companions with the tranquility of his mind. He was not in the desert. He was in the forests of his homeland surrounded by his kin. A contented smile crossed his face. His thoughts shifted, and then, he was leading a rebellion of Jaffa against an army of Goa'uld. And he was winning. Single-handedly, he took down the Goa'uld leader with an elegant staff blast. Just like he had the cactus. Ah. He felt righteous. Millions of now free and cheering Jaffa swam before him. He basked in their glow, which was as bright and warm as the sun. It was so warm, it began to melt together forming a desert of sand. He was back in reality. Damn.

"Huh," stated Daniel. He was looking confused.

Teal'c returned his attention to his teammates sensing something was up. Jack, in the lead, stopped and turned around at the sound. He saw Sam had out a device and was looking at it, brow furled in concentration.

"What's that?" asked Jack.

"It's a pedometer, sir," answered Sam.

"Ah, and what does it tell you?"

"It tells me that we've already traveled twelve kilometers."

"So...shouldn't we be there now?"

"Yes, sir. We should be standing in the Abydonian village."

Jack made a point of looking around suspiciously. "I don't see it."

"Yeah, that's strange."

"That's strange? That's all you have to say?"

"Okay, could we have been wrong about how many kilometers away the Abydonian village is?" asked Daniel.

"Well, maybe. But even if we were off by a couple kilometers, we should still at least be able to see the village by now," replied Sam.

"Couldn't that pedimeato thingy be broken?" asked Jack.

"Well, yes, sir, that's possible too..." Sam trailed off.

"I do believe we've traveled as far as the device says we have," said Teal'c.

"I think so too," said Sam.

"Well, maybe it's just really hot and we think we've traveled farther than we have," suggested Daniel.

A pause. "Alright," said Jack. "Let's keep going for a little while longer and see what happens. Carter, keep an eye on that," he pointed at the device, "thing and see if you can see a malfunction."

"Yes, sir," replied Sam.

They headed off again. Now was Jack's shining moment. The moment when something wasn't going right. He would fix it.

***

The sun overhead still blazed hotly, and our four baked potato heroes were sitting in the sand looking exhausted and irritable.

"Let's just go a little farther," mimicked Daniel in a whiny nasally voice that didn't sound at all like Jack, but that did elicit a smile from both Sam and Teal'c.

"Shut up, Daniel," snapped Jack. He was hot and tired and wrong, and he didn't need Daniel making stupid jokes at his expense. "Besides, now we know that something's wrong," he added with triumph. "I mean, there's no way we haven't gone at least twelve kilometers by now...right?"

Sam's eyes were wide, and she was staring off into space. "I really don't see how we couldn't have walked at least that far by now."

"But it doesn't make any sense. How could an entire village just disappear?!" Daniel sounded very agitated, like his dog had just died.

"Perhaps the village is cloaked," suggested Teal'c in his usual cool calm voice that didn't sound at all like he'd been trekking through the desert heat for the last three hours.

"This ain't Star Trek, Teal'c," replied Jack. "Nice try, though."

"Actually, sir," began Sam, and Jack knew he was in trouble, "that's not an entirely idiotic idea."

Teal'c glared menacingly at Sam. Sam continued as if she didn't notice.

"I mean, physicists on Earth have been working with cloaking technology for several years. Basically, cloaking is nothing more than bending electromagnetic waves, like visible light, in such a way that it appears as if an object has been rendered invisible. In certain experiments, researchers have aimed a beam of microwaves..." Jack would have interrupted her by now to say something like "Carter! The point?" but he was just too damned tired. "...at a mirror with cloaked irregularities on its surface, and the waves bounced back as if the irregularities weren't even present. Previous attempts to cloak objects have made use of metamaterials, requiring complex nanofabrication, which, obviously, makes it difficult to cloak large objects. However, a new design based on a tapered optical waveguide has made physicists optimistic that cloaking large objects is not impossible. It's not too far-fetched to believe the Goa'uld have developed a technology that allows them to cloak, say, an entire village."

Thankfully, this last sentence, Jack understood, and he nodded knowingly.

"But then, wouldn't we have bumped into it?" asked Daniel. "I mean, cloaking doesn't make an object untouchable, it just makes it invisible, right?"

"That's right," said Sam. "The village can't be simply cloaked."

"Well, is there any way to make it so that you can't see or touch an object?" asked Daniel, logicking it out.

Sam paused. "I'm not sure. It's possible technology like that exists somewhere. The Asgard and the Ancients come to mind. But I don't know anything about it."

"Well, while you all sit here chatting," began Jack, standing up, "I'm going to take action."

"Sir..." said Sam looking around at a horizon full of nothing but sand, "what exactly are you going to do?"

Jack took a long look in all directions. Then up at the sky. Then down at his feet.

"Good point," he said, and sat back down.

Time passed like a train. A train loaded down with so much cargo that it could only travel about three feet per hour. Like those trains that you run into when you're late for work and you only have one set of tracks to cross, and you're about two blocks away, and you can see the tracks, and there's no train, so you think you'll be okay, but of course that's about the moment you hear the train whistle, and right when you get there, the crossing guards go down, and then you're stuck there for about an hour while the train creeps slowly by, and all you can do is watch the minutes tick by as the clock makes you later and later, and you think about what you'll tell your boss when you walk in an hour late because of a stupid train, and you know you can't tell them the truth, because no one who hasn't been caught by a train understands what it's like, they're the kind of people who say, oh, you should have just left earlier and planned for it, but you know that if you planned to be caught by a train every time you were going somewhere, you'd have to leave about an hour earlier for everything, and most of the time you wouldn't get caught by a train, so you'd get everywhere an hour early, and that would be a waste of time, plus there aren't enough hours in a day... Oh, whoops. Am I getting off track?

"All right, kids. Let's head back," said Jack.

"Really? We're going to just leave?" asked Daniel, surprised.

"Well, there's nothing we can do here. In fact," he added taking a long look around, "there's really nothing here. At all. We're running low on water, and we didn't bring that much food with us. We don't have any equipment that would help us figure out what's going on. We need to get back to the SGC and see what kind of equipment we can bring back out here to figure out what could have happened to the village. So I say, once again, let's move out."

Daniel blinked.

"Yes, sir," agreed Sam.

Teal'c nodded.

The team headed out.

***

Daniel stopped dead. He was looking at something on the ground.

"Hey," he called without looking up.

The rest of the team stopped and turned to him.

"What's the holdup, Danny boy?" asked Jack.

He noticed Daniel was looking at something on the ground. Jack could see nothing but sand, but Daniel seemed to find interest in a particular grain. Daniel was so enamored with the grain of sand that he reached out to touch it. Slowly, ever so slowly...then he was digging feverishly, pawing handful after handful of sand, until he had unearthed something. What the "something" was, Jack couldn't tell at first, probably because it was the same color as the sand. But it quickly became apparent that it was a sandstone rock. An almost perfect cube, but not quite. It looked like it had weathered years of harsh desert wind. Daniel reached down and picked up the treasure, cradling it softly in his arms as if it were a precious little baby with golden curls and a sweet smile. He stared intently at the baby rock, willing it to speak to him. It did.

"Hey, guys?" he called. He needn't have done so because everyone was already looking at him with curiosity, or in Teal'c's case, indifference.

Daniel continued, "This looks like the Abydonian symbol for 'sky.'"

"What?" asked Jack, as Sam leaned forward to take a closer look at the rock.

"I said..." Daniel began.

"Yeah, I heard you," interrupted Jack.

"Well, the thing is, this is the symbol they use on the stones they cap their buildings with. They don't use it anywhere else in their villages that I know of."

A silence greeted this statement. A silence which Jack broke, of course.

"Excuse me? Let me get this straight. You're saying this stone," here he pointed dramatically at the stone, "this stone right here, was once the top of an Abydonian building?"

"Well...yeah," answered Daniel. "I mean, I don't see where else it could have come from."

"Well, then. How did it get here?" asked Jack.

As one, the heroes heads slowly turned to look down at the sand.

"No way," muttered Sam.

"Uh, I think yes way," answered Jack.

"It can't be," said Daniel.

"Uh, I think you just said it was," replied Jack.

"It seems very unlikely," mused Teal'c.

"Uh, I think so too, but it is," responded Jack. He looked around at his three comrades. "Isnt' it?"

Three sets of eyes turned to meet Jack's.

"The Abydonian village is..." began Sam.

"...buried," finished Daniel.

"...in the sand," added Teal'c helpfully.

Jack frowned concentrating hard. "Doesn't this constitute a _bad_ thing."

No one answered. They all continued to look down at the sand as if they could see down into the buried city.

"How should we proceed?" asked Teal'c reasonably.

Oh, proceed, thought Jack. Right, we need a plan of action. This is my time to shine.

Out loud, he babbled, "Okay, we have one buried city. Lots of sand. And heat, don't forget the damned heat. What we don't have is enough food or water to stay out here much longer and, most importantly, shovels."

"Sir, you really don't think we should just start digging do you?" asked Sam.

"Well, what do you suggest, Carter?" snorted Jack.

"Well, sir, I think we need to study the situation more thoroughly. I mean, we don't even know why the city was buried or how or if someone was involved..."

"Right, we need shovels," interrupted Jack.

Sam huffed, but remained silent.

"The SGC should be checking in at 0100, that's in about..." Jack glanced at his watch.

Crackle! Crackle!

"SG1, come in. This is the SGC, over."

"Now," smiled Jack. Ahh, he loved it when timing worked out.

***

The digging team showed up loaded down with not just shovels, but bulldozers, excavators, and dump trucks. Around 50 personnel tromped along carrying shovels or driving the large hole-digging equipment. Some also carried large backpacks.

"Wow," said Daniel in a quiet voice. "I wonder how they got all that into the Gateroom..."

"Nice of you to join us!" called Jack, waving at the new arrivals.

Jack and the leader of the newly arrived group went through a series of gestures, including pointing, as Jack explained where the digging was to take place. The people carrying large backpacks opened them to reveal bottled water and food rations.

"FOOD!" screamed Teal'c, and he ran at the nearest backpack.

The poor soldier who had been carrying it ran for his life. He was half Teal'c size and wasn't about to stand in the way of a locomotive-like Jaffa on a quest for food.

Sam, Jack, and Daniel also took some food and water gratefully, as they had run out by noon, and it was now well into the afternoon. Once quenched, the team grabbed some shovels. The noise of the equipment reached epic proportions as they began to dig, as did the groans of the people stuck with shoveling by hand. Sam dug thoughtfully, but quickly and efficiently. Teal'c dug with vigor and strength. Daniel dug with a passion, as if trying to unbury his dead dog. And Jack dug with a determined look on his face.

***

Sam look out across the desert at the sun, as if hoping it would give her some answers. It was huge, hanging low in the western sky, casting a surreal golden light across her face. With the thick layer of atmosphere now between her eyes and the sun, it was almost dull enough to look at straight on. The lingering light sent streaks of color across the desert sky: crimson, rose, dusty orange. As Sam took in the awesome beauty of the sunset, she felt she could almost hear the giant star burning and crackling with seemingly unlimited energy. Wait a second. The western sky? Sam checked again. Yes, the western sky. Then, that meant... Sam shook her head in disbelief. She trotted around the large excavation site, past the bulldozers and excavators busy at work, around a huge pile of sand, past a dump truck that was adding to the pile, past a tired and sweating group soldiers with shovels, and over to where Jack had paused in his digging.

"Sir," whined Sam until she got his attention.

"What is it, Carter?" asked Jack, wiping his dripping brow.

"Sir, I was just noticing the sun."

Jack looked at the sun, then back at Sam. "Uh, it's beautiful," he said uncertainly.

"Sir, I'm talking about where it's setting in the sky."

Jack waited for her to continue. Sam looked into Jack's eyes as if willing him to understand, occasionally gesturing towards the setting sun.

Finally, unable to take any more, Jack yelled, "What about it, Carter!"

"Sir, when we were first discovered Abydos, the cardinal points were set up arbitrarily. Since there's no magnetic core, the planet lacked a magnetic field on which to base directions. So, the first explorers of this planet - Daniel, you and your team – set up the points based on the positioning of the pyramid, setting South as the direction the pyramid faces."

Jack interrupted her, "Carter!"

"Sir, the sun sets in the east on Abydos, but it looks to us like it's setting in the west. Based on the fact that we walked in this direction when we exited the Gate, the only explanation is..."

"The Goa'uld have found a way to move the sun?!" exclaimed Jack.

"No, sir, the only explanation is that we aren't facing south. We're facing north."

Daniel chimed in, "So that means, when we came out of the Gate..."

"...we walked the wrong way," concluded Sam.

***

"I thought we were supposed to walk left when we came out of the Gate!" yelled Jack.

"We are. The Gate must have been pointing the wrong way," replied Sam.

"Why in the hell was the Gate pointing the wrong way?" ranted Jack. "Carter!"

"Sir, I have no idea," replied Sam in an exhausted tone, as if she had reached her limit on explanations for the day.

"I thought you said that thing was too big to move! It's not like the wind blew it! And why was there a stone from their village way out in the desert the wrong way! Why!" he yelled in the direction of Daniel this time.

"I don't know," replied Daniel, who had brought the block with him in his pack, despite the fact that it was large and heavy and he was extremely tired. It was just too good a prize to leave behind.

"Doesn't anyone know what's going on?!"

Jack looked around at each teammate, with a fiery insane look in his eyes, pointing his flashlight at each one in turn. He received no reaction from his exhausted teammates. His face fell, and his ranting ceased. This wasn't helping anything. Not Jack curiosity, and not his tired, aching, sunburned body.

They were nearly back to the Gate. The digging team was following along behind them, and the sounds of the bulldozers, excavators, and dump trucks were a white noise in the rear. Several soldiers rode in the back of the dump trucks, but there was no room for poor SG1. Damn.

Thankfully, the digging team had thought to bring along some flashlights, as their return journey had quickly become a nighttime trek with the sun's descent behind the horizon. They reached the Gate and Sam dialed it up.

"I guess we can go visit the Abydonians tomorrow," said Daniel optimistically.

Everyone glared at him as if contemplating the best way to kill him. Daniel only smiled.

The digging team paused behind them, but Jack motioned for them to go first. He just couldn't make himself leave. Not yet. This whole mission had been a waste of time. And there were so many questions unanswered. Daniel was right, they could just go see the Abydonians another day. And yet, he had a nagging feeling like there was something he'd forgotten to do.

The heavy machinery drove slowly through the Gate next, and still Jack stood in thought, his team beside him, too tired to ask what they were still doing waiting around on a desert planet at night instead of heading back to Earth for a shower and sleep.

Suddenly, Sam froze. Then Daniel. Then Teal'c. Jack looked to where their three flashlight beams were now intersecting. There, illuminated in the darkness, sat a familiar face.

"Skaara?" said Jack, uncertainly.

"Hello, O'Neill," said Skaara with a smile.

"Skaara," said Jack, more certainly this time. "The weirdest thing happened. We were heading to your village, and we ended up out in the desert, waaaay over there," Jack pointed back the way they had come.

Skaara's smile widened. "Did you enjoy your journey?"

Everyone sat silent for a few moments. Then Jack's jaw dropped. Sam's eyes widened. Daniel paled visibly (at least, it would have been visible if it were bright enough to see his face). And Teal'c made no facial expressions of surprise whatsoever, but felt the surprise deep within his heart.

Then, Sam put into words what they were all thinking. "YOU turned the Gate?"

Skaara laughed. "Not only me. I had help."

All of a sudden, the team noticed that Skaara was not alone. A large party of Abydonians stood behind him in the dark. They were all smiling mischievously.

The seconds ticked by as the team tried to comprehend this news. The last dump truck crawled through the Stargate. Jack's face was slowly turning red. Daniel reached into his backpack.

"What about this?" asked Daniel, holding out the stone with the marking on it.

Skaara laughed again, this time accompanied by the other Abydonians. "You found it!" he cried gleefully.

Suddenly, Jack cried out like a maniac, "Gaaaah!" and launched himself at Skaara. It took all three of his teammates to hold him back. Skaara smile faltered.

"Why! Why did you do this to us?!" screamed Jack in fury.

"Because, O'Neill, we thought it would be funny," said Skaara uncertainly. "Did you not find it funny?"

The whole team fell over like anime characters do sometimes. Then they laughed and laughed. They laughed so hard, they scared the Abydonians away. They laughed so hard, Hammond had to send a team back through the Gate to get them and bring them back to the base. And they continued to laugh until they were locked up in a padded cell wrapped cozily in white jackets. Oh, Skaara, that was funny. Funny funny Skaara. The end.


End file.
